The findings of this study include the retelling of the experiences of the researcher (participant) involving their challenges with electrophysiological complications during the postpartum period. The findings are presented in the following order, in line with the Narrative Inquiry method: Story, Metaphor, and Drawing. During the first part, the story began near the end of the participant’s third pregnancy and ended at present day. In the subsequent part, the participant gave a metaphor for their experiences, and a drawing to visualize their experience. The pseudonym of the participant was ‘Matilda’.
Part One:
Matilda is 34, and their electrophysiological complication is non-sustained ventricular tachycardia (NSVT). According to Matilda, NSVT in simple terms “... it just means that my heart can speed up without any warning and then eventually it feels like it stops and restarts itself.”
Matilda’s understanding of what it means to be healthy entailed “being able to function, play, learn, and contribute to society to the best of my capacity without limitations.” Things she considered healthy included wearing glasses, managing a moderate amount of stress at her job, eating healthy, and getting exercise on the weekends. From her perspective, things start to become unhealthy when they start to get out of control, for example not being able to eat nutritious food as a result of being swamped with work. According to Matilda, “I don't necessarily look at health as the absence of disease; I also consider everything else that's going on around me, that I’m getting enough mental stimulation, that I’m able to get fresh air, nutritious foods, … (that I get) time with my family, etc.”
To Matilda, being pregnant represented a happy period of time, because it meant starting or expanding her family, and not a time when she would be thinking about complications. Matilda elaborated on this saying: “I think of Hollywood movies where I have cravings of pickles and ice cream and everything’s rosy, will turn out fine. I'm pregnant for 40 weeks and I'm going to have a good and healthy delivery. As I get closer to that delivery, fear steps in on how that delivery will look like, but generally thinking of pregnancy, I think of everything positive.”
Matilda first began to experience electrophysiological complications at around 32 weeks of her third pregnancy. She began to have a rapid heartbeat and fainting episodes, the latter of which she defined as zoning out and looking like she had completely dissociated. She described the feeling as “if a tap is turned on at my toes and all the blood is kind of rushed out through the tap and then when my heart restarts, I feel all the blood rush back to my face.” After notifying her OBGYN of these experiences, they were not too concerned as many changes would be happening to her body at that time. After asking whether having her initial two normal pregnancies made a difference in determining whether the complications, she experienced during her latest pregnancy were abnormal, Matilda said that coming from a nursing background made her disregard the severity of her symptoms. Since she had been familiar with all the physiological changes women experience during pregnancy (and had even worked in labor and delivery prior), she would not have been able to easily find a distinction.
However, one day while she was breastfeeding her newborn, Matilda had a severe fainting spell that resulted in her falling back in her rocking chair with her baby. After this occurrence, her husband insisted on seeking medical attention again to see what the problem was. She first went to a walk-in clinic as it was hard to get an appointment at her family doctor at the time. After going through some tests at the walk-in clinic, she was sent to a cardiologist for further care. Matilda received exceptional care at the cardiologist, and did all the required tests at their clinic including an ECG and blood work. She was then told to wear a Holter monitor for a two weeklong period instead of for 48 hours, as she was not experiencing frequent fainting episodes.
While wearing the Holter monitor for two weeks initially, Matilda was not feeling anything unusual. She was excited that the condition was perhaps gone, but nervous that the monitor would not have picked up any abnormalities. On the thirteenth day of wearing the monitor, while having dinner with her family, she felt her symptoms again when she went to sit down. She experienced headiness, palpitations, and heart racing against her chest wall. “At this point, it's not comfortable because my kids and husband visually saw this. A few days later, the cardiologist calls and says “I have good news and bad news, good news we picked something up, bad news we picked something up.” She was then referred to an electrophysiologist who specializes in postpartum women, etc.
There, the electrophysiologist confirmed the diagnosis, ran a series of tests, put her on several limitations and gave her medications. She also had to wear a Holter monitor on and off for a span of two years, ranging from a couple hours to a couple months at a time, when her medications weren’t working or when she felt different symptoms. According to Matilda, what made the difference between having the monitor for two weeks and a month was the availability of the product. “The hospital has a limited number of Holter monitors, so if they could not accommodate because most patients are on a 48-hour rotating window, they already pre-scheduled somebody else, they couldn't give it to me for that extended period of time.”
Regarding the limited supply of Holter monitors, Matilda said “... when thinking about that as a human being, that's scary because I'm a mom with three kids, and thinking that my own health and diagnosis is dependent on availability (of Holter monitors) makes it a bit sad and challenging.” In terms of her experience with the Hotler monitor itself, Matilda experienced challenges particularly with the Holter stickers/electrodes attaching the monitor wires to her skin. “I have very sensitive skin. I have a condition called seborrhea (which) is more predominant on the face and sometimes the scalp, … but because of that skin condition I'm allergic to the adhesive on the Holter monitor stickers. So, they do have hypoallergenic flares that you can put on the Holter, but although that helps, their adhesive is either not as strong or attaches in a way that starts ripping my skin.” According to Matilda, taking showers was also a challenge as she had to replace the electrodes every time she took a shower, which was daily in her case. As a result of unsticking and re-sticking the electrodes, she would bleed at the location of the electrode and her skin would peel. For the Holter monitor itself, she said “it's been 2 years, (I still) have scars on my body where you can tell I had the Holter monitors on, embarrassment because of the bulkiness of the equipment and so sometimes (the technician) would put it on a pouch, sometimes a little purse, sometimes they would put it on a belt clip.”
Although she did not wear it during her pregnancy, Matilda claimed that it wasn’t any easier to wear the Holter monitor. “I had three kids at the time I was wearing it, I had a three-year-old, a two-year old and an infant. So, I had to pick them up, carry them and I had to breastfeed the infant who loved the wires. So, one wire comes off and you lose the signal, so there were instances where I had my episode, I pressed the button but one of the wires wasn’t attached. I would wake up in the morning and two of the wires would be off. So, it was really challenging to wear, not just the stigma around it too, a 34-year-old walking around with various wires.”
Matilda described how she felt after being diagnosed with her condition as “Devastated. Nervous. Fear of the unknown. Leaving my husband without a partner to raise three kids… I remember my husband took the kids to get books at the library and I was sitting in the car and I pulled out my cell phone and I recorded a goodbye video to my kids because I was told that I wasn't going to live long and the rate of dying is very high with this condition. I literally tried everything that I was told to do … (though I don’t do them often) I avoided heat such as saunas and jacuzzis, no coffee, no tea, I completely transitioned into herbal products, and that was hard for me because I really love tea. I gave up meat, lost a lot of weight (because) they thought my weight gain through pregnancy was having complications on my heart.”
She mentioned that she had seen the same video she recorded a few days prior to our interview, and said how her life was in a completely different place now three years later. “I don’t have the same fears, but at the time of diagnosis, to think I have three boys and to leave them without a mom, like that was terrifying. I wasn't thinking about losing myself and losing my life, I was thinking about dying and leaving them without a mom. That's what was hard.”
In terms of how the diagnosis impacted her family, Matilda wanted to have more children, but was concerned about the potential risk it would have toward her health. She described how it was challenging to navigate her emotions and thoughts, as well as support her partner when engaging in all the medical appointments she had not planned for. She had to spend time away from her sons while she was hospitalized or undergoing various procedures, but made an effort to stay with her infant to breastfeed. Since Matilda preferred to breastfeed instead of using formula, this was also impacted as she was required to take a dye for her MRI. “The dye can be damaging to the infant and it passes through breast milk, so I remember feeling so guilty about having to give him formula for that day. And what if he gets addicted to formula and won't want to be breastfeed anymore. And he was screaming because he didn't like the formula, he didn't like the bottle, he wasn't used to a bottle, I don’t pump either, it was strictly breast. So, I remember that was a very challenging period of "how do I meet my own health needs, at the same time how do I meet the needs of my infant and my family?””.
Regarding how her diagnosis impacted her relationship with her partner, Matilda said “He was very supportive, I think he was very terrified and scared himself with the thought of losing me. The good thing is he stayed with the older two boys and I could be focusing on the infant. He met my needs as a mother, bringing me the boys from time to time when it was appropriate. At home, he took a larger load on things because there would be periods where I was too tired - why I was feeling like that was because at the time of diagnosis they put me on bisoprolol, a medication to help with the symptoms but that medication made me very tired”. Her medication made her easily short of breath, and resulted in her having very low blood pressure. She did not have a typical reaction to the medication, as even the smallest dose had a great impact on her body. “So there would be periods where after a few hours of being with the kids, I would have to lie down. On the weekends I couldn't always be left alone with three kids, my husband was working a lot, studying on the weekends so it was hard on our family dynamic but he really stepped up as a partner. If I didn't have such a supportive partner, it would have been very hard, like somebody, like a single mom to go through this alone.”
Matilda recounted an episode in Fall 2021, where she was at work in her office with no one around, as the COVID-19 pandemic was rampant at the time. She had a colleague check on her after the episode, who walked with her to the subway. Right as she was about to get on the subway, she decided to go to the hospital because of the severity of her episode. After doing all the necessary tests she was told that she needed to have a loop recorder put into her body, which Matilda described as a “Holter monitor for two years”.
The loop recorder, which is connected to her cell phone, has to be removed every two years to replace the battery. Since having the loop recorder, she has only pressed the button to activate the device a handful of times. According to Matilda, her condition has gotten significantly better to the point she rarely has the sensation of her “heart whacking against her chest wall”. After pressing the button, the loop recorder application would tell her that she has tachycardia instead of non-sustained ventricular tachycardia, since her heart would return to a normal rhythm instead of “restarting”. To explain this, Matilda has a theory: “I don't know (if this) theory is right, but it's because I had the three kids so close in a four-year period and the pregnancy hormone, oxytocin, I have a feeling (is what) was the cause of this. I got the loop recorder implanted as I was finishing breastfeeding and since that time because I finished breastfeeding, I'm not pregnant - my body is not releasing the same high levels of oxytocin anymore. So I feel like the longer I went since having given birth, the better I started to feel.” Matilda now has a biannual follow up with an electrophysiologist to redo her tests, but is optimistic. “I’ll know next summer when I go for various tests again but I feel much more confident that I can live a very long life. And that's a feeling, I don't know if I feel that because I'm healthy, because I'm taking care of myself.”
Regarding Matilda’s message to mothers who may have similar symptoms or undergone similar complications, Matilda says not to wait. “The minute you feel something is wrong, go seek help because it could be dangerous to you, it could be dangerous to your child. I didn't think much of it when I was pregnant but what if I fainted? Fell on my stomach? Hurt my offspring in any way? So, seek help the first time it happens. If you feel like it's not something you should be experiencing, go seek help.”
Matilda also said to stand your ground and advocate for the best possible treatment you can get. “You know your body best, for me medication did not work. I had to go on and do something else, use different treatment modalities to ensure I was okay. Everybody is different, everybody is an individual. So, listen to your body, do what's right for you and your family and at the end, in collaboration with your medical team and the advice of the specialists of course.”
The third piece of advice is to ask for information. “Get all your answers right at the beginning because for me, to this day I don't really understand that condition… I had to ask a gazillion questions to my electrophysiologist and I always felt like I was an inconvenience… I wasn't given a resource package or pamphlet and it makes it very scary because you rely on Google. Thankfully I'm a nurse so I had access to credible sources, but if you are not, you go to talk to people, you go on Google, you go on Reddit, you read all this health misinformation that can add so much fear. I was really scared of what living with this condition would mean for my family and myself and my longevity, so I would really suggest pushing for that information.”
Part Two:
For the second part of the interview, Matilda chose to describe her experience through a metaphor. “I have this plant in my house that my father got for me a while ago before I even had kids. I have a love for palm tree plants but because my apartment was very small my dad got me a little palm tree plant in a pot and (when) I had one kid and it was blooming nicely. Second kid, it was blooming nicely, but during my third pregnancy, it started to wilt a little bit and get yellow. I think it's because I just didn’t have time to water it and take care of it the more kids I had. So, for you today, the metaphor I have is that plant. It was green; it continues to grow and continues to add more branches and leaves, but if it’s not taken care of, if it’s not feeling well, it starts to turn yellow. You can still salvage it even though once it turns yellow, you’re really going against the very tall mountain to salvage it, but you still can before it completely starts falling apart.”
Matilda further goes on to describe the direct parallel between her health and the health of the palm tree. “The leaves start falling apart, and the stems completely become very yellow or dark brown and it’s impossible to save at that point. That’s my metaphor of my experiences. I was very healthy, always took care of myself, never thought that I could turn yellow. I thought I was like that beautiful plant that I always wanted, pursuing things in life that I always wanted, getting married, having children, getting the career that I am very proud of but I turned yellow and I got this condition.”
Recently, Matilda has said how the plant has started to become green again, in line with how her life is now. “I’m starting to see that plant is turning green, there are fresh stems that are growing out of it now and so I feel like yes there is still evidence of that yellow but there’s a new beginning, new stems are coming out, new stems are growing.” While the plant has become green, there are still yellow leaves on the plant, which Matilda sees as a reminder to water and continue to support her plant, along with her own health and wellbeing. “I wanted that memory to be there to understand the difficult part of that plant’s life but at the same time, take beauty in the growth and the new things that are coming out in the possibilities there, so that’s the same with me for the rest of my life. Whether I want to or not I’m gonna have a scar on my chest on the left-hand side where they inserted the loop recorder and I get discriminated against all the time.”
Matilda describes the challenges she still faces with her loop recorder. “Whenever I travel through airports they’ll look at it and think I’m hiding something… I just came back from a trip to Qatar and I was traveling through Germany and I explained to them I don’t feel comfortable going through metal detectors, I would prefer a pat down, they actually called the police on me. They put me in a room and asked me to take off all of my clothes. I stood there, naked with two police officers with guns. One of them, poking their fingers into my chest to feel the battery to be convinced that I have a battery implanted versus just looking at my card that says I have an implantable device, so I get continuously reminded, and even when that implantable device is gonna be removed from my body I’m gonna have that scar of where it was.”
Despite the challenges she may face, Matilda continues to maintain hope for herself and her palm tree. “I will continue to hopefully live a very healthy life and so those green leaves are me coming out of this very unfortunate situation but the yellow is that scar that I will always have. I will get to see my kids grow up. Hopefully I will be there for them and hopefully those green leaves continue to grow, and I will continue to evolve in various ways that I meant to.”